The Honest Kiwi
I’ve attempted to write this opening blog post many times. Trying to portray a tamer, vanilla version of myself was never going to happen. I called this “The Honest Kiwi” for one simple reason, to start a conversation. An honest chat, about us, as women, and all the things that involves. Family, stress, the changes that happen to our bodies along the way, mentally and physically. We are not alone in this deep internal metamorphosis taking place within us, we are all rising from the ashes, like empowered phoenixes and our stories need to be shared, so we can help each other survive this crazy ride!
Honesty time. I’m a 40-year-old kiwi, relatively healthy, mother of two teenagers, happily divorced and I’ve lived in Australia for almost 18 years. I had my daughter at 21, my son at 27 and an abdominoplasty at 30 to repair the damage. Yep, they were monsters!
I thought I knew my body pretty well, but after the stomach surgery, nothing felt the same again. My core was always turned on – always. I got cramp in my abdominals constantly. It stops you breathing, you’re paralysed until it’s over and its really bloody painful. When my core was too tight, my pelvic floor would become so over contracted that it wouldn’t work. I really needed help.
When you tend to use sexual humour to break the ice in uncomfortable situations, apparently saying your treatment goal is to “eventually be able to shoot ping pong balls across the room” to your 65-year-old, uptight pelvic health specialist, the relationship isn’t going take off. To be honest, in that particular situation, my kind of humour wasn’t appreciated at all. This surprised me.
When is the right time to joke about your vagina doing tricks, if not to the trick master herself?! I was young and my vagina had a lot of life left in her. She wanted to experience all the pleasures life has gifted her, but in order to unlock those treasures, I needed to learn how to turn the bloody key!
Our vibe was off. She was rigid and made me feel embarrassed about my sexuality. Guilty even. After my 3rd visit, I cried the whole way home. I now knew less than when I started and felt ashamed about myself. I put on a brave face for my family, but it was all I thought about. I didn’t want to live with a sad depressed vagina for the rest of my life!
So, I bought a lot of books and started learning how to fix her myself. When my son started school, I went and studied Personal Training and Massage and eventually got a job working as a therapist for the NRL. A few years later, I moved into a practice with Chiropractors and met many amazing people, each with their own unique stories. You learn a lot from people, especially women, as we like to share and help each other.
I was surprised at just how many women wear incontinence pants and of these women, how few have been taught how to correctly engage and relax their pelvic floor. I have heard so many stories about issues of the vagina, bladder and bowel and have been in tears so many times after listening to both the desperation in their voices and the sheer tenacity of so many fearless women, that I decided I had to do something to help us! Here we all were, having our own issues, and the only solution was incontinence pads or invasive surgery? Nothing was mainstream. It’s all focussed on 20-somethings, whose vagina’s are still on their L-Plates. I couldn’t let this continue to happen!
I studied Pilates, Vagina Yoga, completed courses on Orgasms, yoni eggs, I am a regular user of pelvic floor weights and biofeedback devices, she has been gifted many toys, I use menstrual cups and try to follow a diet which keeps her happy – but I am still learning about my nether regions.
It’s not an easy area to discuss. We are all super protective of our vaginas and yet so few of us actually understand her. She is controlled by our emotions. Understand yourself, how you move and how your body reacts, and you will master your vagina, pelvic floor and inner fire. It all comes back to us. Our mind and body are interconnected.
My stories will all be open, honest and at times I may share a little too much, but in life, I have always been a little too much, so this isn’t any different. My words are written with love and I am not ashamed of who I am or the journey I have taken to get here.
There are so many ways we can help each other, as women, and it all starts with a conversation.
So, let’s get talking x
